“I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why.”

It’s a lie. I know exactly why.

I’ve been in a place the last couple weeks. Bear with me while I try to find the spot and explain it. I’m a writer…I run SEVERAL websites…really more than any one person should. They’re not those cookie-cutter autopilot websites…they’re ones I should actually update on the regular. (I like dots…I use them a lot.)

These sites are the hub of various projects that I’m interested in, but lack the time to really do anything with. Basically, I could probably make a decent living if I put the time into each one to REALLY get them started. Alas, I work a real job too. You know what that means…a lot of mental energy and opening the vein “for the man”. I also work the graveyard shift which complicates nearly EVERY aspect of life. Stir in a little ADD and well, I’m kinda screwed.

I wouldn’t say I’m burnt out…maybe I’m just burnt in. I’m into the things I’m doing, but there is a lack of passion. There is no real fire. You know it takes fire. You gotta burn to see the pay off. Then I worry…what if the pay off passes me by. Then I start to reflect on life and accomplishments and it just goes downhill from there.

Out come the self-help books or other readings that I hope might inspire me and I realize I’m just procrastinating. Gurus are the ones who have it all figured out right? No, gurus are the people who profit from SEEMING like they have it all figured out. They sell you an idea and most of the time that idea or method is something you already knew OR it’s a situation where you have to do it your way.

There’s really no easy way in life…you can’t circumvent the trial and error without the pay off suffering. Right?

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I AM a writer…have been for quite some time now. So what am I lacking? I have a platform…multiple platforms even…not one of those platforms holds my passion. Somewhere in trying to write for people, I lost my voice and my audience. My audience doesn’t care how to start a WordPress website or how to become a content writer. I only garner passing strangers who stop by for a tidbit of rare information only to find it’s the same old crap they read somewhere else only by a different writer. I’m not offering them anything new.

I am terribly lost right now, but Tumblr, you’re the lucky one who gets to help me figure this out. I write here from time to time…real life things in somewhat cryptic phrases. I reblog and like things I see around the web. Sadly, this is a truer platform than any of my other sites. I hope you can help me figure out what I’m supposed to be doing.

voteagainstamendmentone:

The grass path is worn. The rain is beginning to turn the dust to mud. I’m not much for getting dirty. Especially when there’s nothing I can do. The only positive is that I’m not alone. Others tromp the beaten earth with me in a perfect circle around you. You’d think we were all bridled ponies, but we’re not.

We’re here because we choose…because we thought maybe this time you might let us in…as we have let you in. We have let you in and invited you to sit and drink and share all the small things we have to offer. We opened the wide world for you and to you while you slam every door in our face.

You have the audacity to attack mundane things. To dare say I haven’t lived or that my spontaneity is rubbish when you have existed in the same 50-mile radius the length of your life. I have lived albeit it in the absence of my supportive family or substances that might have clouded my memory.

Yet I’m still stomping this circle and I’m not too happy about it. Like the others, I thought this time would be different and you might abandon your manipulation, your “I don’t want to talk about its” and the “I’ll always be okays”. I’ve learned the game…and what your move will be…which says we’ve all been playing much too long.

I’ll be stepping from the circle now. I’ll be donning my armor. You’ve got one more time to make her cry before I step further from my place. My first weapon is understanding all the manipulation, so take your mopey, sullen, melancholy shit and fit it with some cement shoes because I’m done walkin’ this circle.

January 2, 2009 at 8:37 pm — “Watching Unsolved Mysteries…what is it about cameras and Kennedys that makes rolls of film disappear…or suddenly be altered?”

February 2, 2009 at 11:55 pm — “Sometimes…there are people in your life that you just have to cut loose, bc you’re not good 4 them, and they’re not good 4 you.”

February 12, 2009 at 3:28 am — “Dear Paranormal Gurus, Orbs are merely dust on the camera lens. You’re welcome”

February 16, 2009 at 8:07 pm — “Always a monkey waiting with a wrench.”

February 25, 2009 at 6:39 pm — “Woobrain - n. state of being when the brain is like wooo; confusion; confuzzlement; brilliance delayed by pseudo dementia.”

March 15, 2009 at 9:41 pm — “Deoderant after shaving is like a cross bt the Home Alone after shave scene and Mary Katherine Gallagher. “Aaaaaaaah…like this.” *sniff*”

April 11, 2009 at 8:35 pm — “If you have no expectations, you will not be disappointed.”

April 24, 2009 at 12:00 am — “While to me in retrospect, it seems like good friendships were late coming in life, they have been well worth the long, lonely wait. Love.”

April 25, 2009 at 4:22 pm — “My sister-in-law dreamed that I had a kid and named him Fire…came outta the womb cussing. No comments from the peanut gallery.”

May 10, 2009 at 1:26 pm — “Was out riding around Clemmons, NC. Saw this joint called Marble Slab Creamery. LOL I’m going to open Chilly Rock or Freezing Hard Surface.”

June 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm — “So quiet in Carolina. I hear a lone cricket, a distant wind chime, and frogs savoring the wet post-rain terrain of…HOME.”

June 12, 2009 at 9:56 pm — “It’s like the top 5 rules for dating are: Don’t be cheesy, don’t be sappy, don’t be emo, no baggage, and shut up. LOL”

December 5, 2009 at 5:47 pm — “There are so many nooks and crannies on Facebook…pockets of people from different eras of my life. I see a name or a face and so many memories rush back both good and bad. It’s overwhelming at times, and I can really feel my shy side cowering in the closest shadow so eager to connect, but with no words to say. There is nothing like feeling to let you know how very alive you are and how deeply you have lived life.”

February 19, 2010 at 1:25 am — “I wonder what winning the gold feels like…the weight of the medal hanging from your neck? I bet it’s all “Titanic”…”I want you to draw me like one of your French girls, Jack, wearing this…wearing only this.” *brandishes Olympic gold* Silliness aside…what is your gold medal?”

February 20, 2010 at 2:11 am — “My gold medal is comfort. Comfort financially…comfort with myself…providing comfort for others. My gold medal is success. My gold medal is being recognized as what I truly want to be…a writer. My gold medal is knowledge and learning. My gold medal is happiness. My gold medal is heaven.”

April 22, 2010 at 11:08 am — “People hold many secrets; even the most open. There is a myriad of situations in the background that you never see. Handle with care.”

April 23, 2010 at 11:00 pm — “The child in me is angry and frustrated behind an UNBREAKABLE facade of hope and determination with a smattering of screw you.”

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @pr0webwriter

Life is an intricate tightrope. If you numb the stress of balance, you risk the fall.

Feeling is a choice. There are many avenues to escape it, but you could miss the good along with the bad.

Life is one long lesson. Missing a chapter could mean failing the test.

The easy way can feel like a friend, but the short relief reveals the true colors of an enemy in time.

Every reason you didn’t achieve is an excuse.

Bad mood? Change your mind.

Feeling down? Change your mind.

Sorry for yourself? Change your mind.

**Feel free to share separately or together. (c) ACMF 2012 Please give credit.**

My partner and I took a much-needed weekend excursion to the NC/TN Mountains. Base camp was Bryson City, NC since our trip centered around a trip on the Great Smoky Mountain Railroad from the depot in Bryson.

We got to Bryson City about 1:10PM on Friday, April 13th. I had carefully selected our hotel using TripAdvisor trying to avoid lodging that had anything about bugs in the reviews. I was satisfied that I had chosen the best accommodations with a 5-star rating and all the amenities we would need for the weekend. Not to mention the fact that this particular place was newly renovated.

The cleanliness met and exceeded my expectations. The access control was the problem. First off, our confirmation paperwork indicated that check-in was at 2pm. We called the night before to see if perhaps we could get in any earlier than that. The lady at the desk said 1pm. As I said, we arrived just after 1pm and I was told that we couldn’t access our room until after 3pm. Whatever.

I hate those stupid cards nearly every hotel uses nowadays. I’ve never stayed anywhere that had them when I didn’t have trouble with them. They work, they don’t work, it’s a crap shoot. At the drop of a hat, you end up trekking around the entire hotel to find a door you can get into. Ridiculous!

We pressed on to Gatlinburg. I’m sure Gatlinburg is a perfectly quaint and lovely town. If you know your way around or you visit regularly and know the tips and tricks, it’s probably great. I didn’t lose anything in Gatlinburg except money. It began with the $10 to park. Oh well, a pay lot made us feel slightly more comfortable with all of our stuff in the back. It was more crowded that I expected for April and navigating was aggravating.

The best part was the Sky Lift. The Sky Lift is a chair lift that takes you to a shop on top of a mountain. From there you can get awesome mountain views, a souvenir, and drink.

After that, we pretty much walked about aimlessly spending money on stupid things. We had bought tickets online to the Ripley’s Museum. Here’s a tip about Ripley’s Museums…once you’ve been to one, you’ve been to them all. They pretty much have the same stuff only with minor variations. I’ve been to Ripley’s Museums in the following locations:

• Myrtle Beach, SC
• Orlando, FL
• Key West, FL
• Gatlinburg, TN

Every Ripley’s Museum I’ve been to has the people made out of garbage, a giant stone ball you can move because it’s wet, and a multi-legged animal…this is usually all out front. Inside, you get the burnt toast art, the dryer lint art, the clothing made from human hair, match stick sculptures, fertility statues, skull bowls from New Guinea, shrunken heads, the iron maiden, and I know I’m missing a lot. The point is, I’ve seen all of these things at every Ripley’s Museum I’ve been to. Perhaps I’ve learned my lesson about Ripley’s.

We did this thing called Earthquake, The Ride. 6 minutes of ridiculous. I mean, it was okay and I’ve never ridden anything quite like it but it was nothing like an earthquake.

We decided to hit the Ripley’s Haunted Attraction. It is my experience that these haunted things are usually pretty bunk. This one was no exception. The dude that sold us our tickets should be selling cars or something else large. He managed to sell us the stupidest flashlights in the world (will add a pic later) by just saying, “It’s so dark in areas that you can only find your way by feeling along the wall.”

Well, first of all, I can’t see jack in the dark. Secondly, who wants to “feel along the wall” in the spook house? Certainly NOT me. I want to keep to the middle and hurry it along. There were a couple of EEK moments, but it was MEH for the most part.

We commenced to walk until our dogs were barkin’. Everything worked out pretty good time-wise though because we were back in Bryson City before dark. This is monumental given the treacherous trek over the river and through the woods. Sleep came quickly. Overall take on Gatlinburg? Bah…North Carolina forever!